Discourage ‘Honour Killings’ Through Mass Marriages (by Usha Rai)
The Tribune: 21st November 2009: OP ED
One way of countering the so-called honour killings, that despite our immense progress and modernity seem to be on the increase, is to have mass marriages of young adults very much in love but without the resources or the support needed to tie the knot because of panchayat objections. It is also a simple, practical way of checking the trend for lavish, five-star weddings.
Later this month at the Guild of Service in Delhi 20 couples of different ages, castes and religions will be joined in holy matrimony with the blessings of some VIPs, families and friends. This year a Muslim couple and two widows will be joined in holy matrimony.
Ranjit and Parineeta, both 23 and working for different IT companies, will be among the couples getting wedded. The couple have had to resort to this run-away marriage because their parents, who know each other well, would not accept the marriages because their grandparents were related through a second marriage.
However, there is no blood relationship between Ranjit and Parineeta. The boy will have to move out of his father’s house. With their combined income of Rs 11,000, they are a little nervous but confident that they can build their lives together. They are also hopeful of their families accepting the relationship after a few months.
The address of the Guild of Service, which conducts mass marriages twice a year, was given by their friends Poonam and Johnson Mathew, who had also married at the Guild the previous year. Mathew’s parents were Catholics and totally opposed to his marrying a Hindu girl. The young couple are doing well and inspired Ranjit and Parineeta to follow in their footsteps. They will be present for their wedding this month.
Last year a Hindu boy from Jammu and his Muslim girl friend, both educated and one of them from an affluent political family, had run away from their homes and come to Delhi to get married. The girl’s parents accused the young boy of kidnapping their daughter who they claimed was a minor.
The chairperson of the Guild, Mrs Mohini Giri, with the support of Lawyers Collective, went out of her way to get the records that proved that the girl was an adult and got her to testify before the courts that she was marrying out of personal choice.
The Guild gave shelter to the couple and police protection was sought because of threats to the couple’s lives. Their marriage was first conducted in a temple and then registered in the courts. The couple are living happily in Delhi and both of them are working and earning well.
For the Guild that runs a home for widows in Vrindavan called Ma Dham, this is merely an extension of its work of providing succour to the poor, needy and marginalised women. Widow rehabilitation, sometime if the widow is young enough through remarriage, is part of its on-going service.
In fact over the last 35 years the two organisations that Mrs Giri has been associated with – the War Widows Association and the Guild of Service – have conducted close to 6,000 marriages. It all started after the war in 1971. In 1972 mass marriages were held for war widows in Jhajjar, Meerut and Rohtak.
In Haryana there has been a tradition of widows being remarried to the younger brother of the dead man. It was called the ‘chaddar badlo’ ritual. The idea was that the widow would continue to stay in her marital home and would be looked after. This was also one way of ensuring that property, including land, stayed within the family.
While the Association was not involved in these remarriages within the family, through the Zilla Sainik Board that had the responsibility of rehabilitating the widows, it organised widow marriage to other soldiers and civilians looking for a bride. Close to 1,000 widows were remarried by the War Widows Association.
Ninety per cent of the marriages that the Guild and the WWA have been involved in have been successful. When a marriage goes sour, the couple comes back to the Guild which tries to resolve the misunderstandings etc through its counsellors.
There was also the case of Jasbir (name changed), a very young war widow who was extremely keen to get married. However, within a month of her remarriage she came crying to Mrs Giri that her husband was impotent. The man was sent to a doctor in a hospital and after treatment for three to six months he was able to satisfy his wife. They now have grown-up children.
In 1972-73, the Guild of Service was set up in Delhi and remarriage of other widows was taken up in earnest. Now those getting married include poor, young lovers who do not have their parental consent and those marrying out of their caste. It has also solemnised Hindu/Muslim and Hindu/Christian marriages. A Maulvi is called in when a Muslim couple has to be blessed.
Two days in a year have been identified for group marriages – April 14, Baisakhi, and November 19, National Integration Day. However, the group marriages do not always occur on the specified days but around those days. The largest group marriages that Mrs Giri has organised are of 183 couples in Chandigarh and an equally large number in Kangra. Gian Zail Singh was the chief guest at the Chandigarh function. The presence of VIPs elevates the ceremony. Sometimes the chief guest may be a minister or a representative of a Commission for empowering women.
The Guild of Service raises the funds for organising the group marriages and providing the basic requirements for beginning a new life. In addition to the wedding clothes of the bride and groom, they are provided with watches, a steel trunk, a sewing machine, a gas cylinder, a set of utensils, pressure cooker, sheets, blanket and ‘payals’ (anklets) and ‘bichuwas’ (toe rings) for the bride.
Within a week of the marriage, the couple get a marriage certificate from the Guild and their wedding photographs. Those who want a proper marriage certificates then go and register their marriage in the magistrate’s courts and get the certificate after a month. These are largely young people who have married out of caste or run away and got married. Fearing reprisal from parents, they do go and register their marriages in the courts.
Accordingly to government rules, the marriages have to be registered in the court of the magistrate where the couple or the husband resides. This could be in Gurgaon, Noida, Vasant Vihar, Janakpuri or any where else. However, because this can be quite a hassle, several poor couples, whose marriages are not opposed, do not go in for proper registration of the marriage and make do with the Guild’s certificate.
The government should facilitate such group marriages by asking the marriage registrar to attend the ceremonies and register the marriages then and there. The marriage registration certificate can subsequently be posted to the couples. Providing a marriage certificate on the spot would make group marriages more attractive for the common man.